missing you

have u ever had those moments where you feel like something is missing? you know exactly what it is, but there's nothing you can do about it. you just have to try and get over it to save yourself from the heartache.

i'm having one of those moments now. it takes everything in me to not lay in bed all day. i have to force myself out to not think about the pain. i go out everyday to fill my mind with temporary distractions only to come home to my permanent heartache. i'm not exactly alone, i have a lot of people around me and i try to keep myself busy, but yet i still feel so lonely. this is really just as bad as when A went to Kuwait. sad right? i know. i didn't think that this would be this hard. or am i just allowing this to be this hard? maybe i'm just hormonal...hahaha...it's silly...i know that she's not gone forever...but it's hard...i don't know why i feel this sad.

well, i'm left with nothing to do now, but to wish D comfort and busyness. to pray for her every moment that i think of her. to be strong for her so i could encourage her when needed.



Father,
thank you so much for blessing me with this friendship. you have taught me so much through D. but, now you have called her to the other side of the world...help her to continue to be obedient to you. help her to be weak when she is stubborn, and help her to be strong when she is feeling lonely. Father only you can love her the way that she deserves to be loved, so..Father...love her. surround her with your people and remind her through them that it's ok and that you're there with her. work in the hearts of the people there and help them to be gentle with D's heart. equip her with all the right weapons to fight this war.
Father, i need you more than ever now. i am so weak now...emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually....my heart can't take much more of this. give me the strength to overcome these desires to just be sad and tired. i can't do this myself, i realize that i need you. i want your comfort...a comfort that no one can give to me but you, Father. wipe these tears from my eyes...Father, why am i so weak? i know that it's the only way for me to rely on you...but Father this hurts so much. why is my heart so stubborn that every time i need to be this broken before i can look for your comfort? all i need is you...all i need is your comfort...all i want is peace in my heart. Father, you know that i love you...and i know that you love me, but help me to feel it. i don't want to feel this helpless. help me to understand that it's ok to cry and that it's ok to be sad...and in all this i will find your love for me. thank you for giving me Enzo and A to be with me. Father, help them to be patient with me as i am trying to remember that you're in this.
desiring to chase after you, Father.



with that i end this post with a message from honeydew to his god mommy. i hope you understand what he's saying to u. :) i'm sure it's the usual "i love you, and i miss you very very very much"